Growing and Guiding: Reflections on the Nuances of Parenting

By Elizabeth Fleet

Just between you and me, I don't usually struggle to develop ideas for writing. I have a note app on my phone with resources for book ideas, articles, and pithy one-liners. When "motherhood" was suggested as a topic that I weigh in on, I assumed it would be easy and went to my trusted notes app to find ideas. The only problem was there were none—with the exception of a single quote from an older friend.

"You can gauge your success as a parent only when your children start to raise their own."

Motherhood, from my perspective, is incredibly nuanced. Just when I felt like I was figuring out a stage, I was often in a transition into a completely different one. The early years are a blur now, but they were fun. Daniel and I joke about not missing all the diapers and how someday we will drive a cool car rather than a mini-van. In all seriousness, I enjoyed each stage that my kids have been through and have an optimistic anticipation for the ones to come. As I was thinking about being a mother and the metamorphosis that I have observed in my children as they grow—I find that I, too, have changed.

I was a caretaker and commander in the baby stage and younger years. There were days that were physically taxing. "Eat, Awake, Sleep, and You," or the "EASY" routine, was my mantra. (EVERY DAY. FOR. YEARS.) This is the stage where I think God gives you short-term memory loss because we kept having babies. I counted it a success if everyone (including myself, lol.) was clean, fed, and clothed for the day. Those were sweet victories. As the kids got a little bit older and started to be capable of doing age-appropriate chores and activities, I would be overwhelmed with the number of commands they needed on any given day. "Sit here. Eat this. Don't eat THAT. Brush your teeth. Etc." It was a lot of instructing, and for the boys, it continues to be.

In the last couple of years, the girls have needed me to talk less and listen more. I am a counselor and chauffeur. We have counseling sessions while I am chauffeuring them to and from volleyball and homeschool co-op. I ask questions and then listen—attempting not to interject with a premature lecture or advice. I find that the girls appreciate good humor and advice wrapped in grace. They are learning to navigate middle school years, their strong emotions, and how they fit in the world.

I don't really have any advice to offer on motherhood specifically(maybe someday), but I will share a simple prayer that is on my heart and that I pray often:

“Lord, please help me guide and set an example for my children in such a way that they will know and follow You and raise their children to know and follow You. Please give me the wisdom to gracefully let go and grow with my children as they grow.”

"Lord, please help me guide and set an example for my children in such a way that they will know and follow You and raise their children to know and follow You. Please give me the wisdom to gracefully let go and grow with my children as they grow."

I pray this because someday, I desire that my role as a mother will be more of that of a companion.

I intuitively know I am laying a foundation for how we will relate to each other in the future. These years are passing faster than I'd like, but I am grateful for them. The girls will be adults and hopefully wives and mothers themselves one day. The boys will grow to be men, husbands, and fathers. It's my prayer to faithfully walk beside them.